I’m back. You don’t remember me do ya? That’s okay. Let’s get reacquainted. I’m Jeanie and I am delighted to see you again. This was me when we last met. I’m still that person but I’m a little different now. I am now 29, for a few more months anyway, and still a red headed fiesty fat chick. Not much has changed there except the number and the wisdom and experience that comes with it. Here’s where the big change comes in…I am now a fiesty mom of 3 and this time that isn’t counting the husband or the washer and dryer. We are still living in Upstate NY in the same apartment/townhouse/halfhouse thing, though hopefully not for much longer, and I still haven’t made it to NYC yet even after living in the state for 9 1/2 years. Anyway, if you read the post mentioned earlier then you get my life story from 2001 to June 2007. So I guess I should do a quick rundown of the last 3 years huh?
Early 2008, the husband and I decide it’s time for that baby number 3 that I was talking about. March 2008 I get my IUD removed and by May I am back at the doctors telling them I’m pregnant. (Are you seeing how easily pregnant I am because I am…) Anyway, fast forward through 9 months of agonizing hell…massive hip pain and displacement, weak pelvic cradle, 7 months of puking, gestational diabetes, insulin shots in the belly and trying to rethink the whole pregnancy thing…and we get Midget. He was born on February6, 2009, via planned c-section weighing in at 9 lbs. 8 oz. and 21 inches long. He’s 17 months old now. The last year and a half have been amazing. Adding him to the mix was one of the easiest things I have ever done in my life. His older siblings are absolutely in love with him. He’s all boy…he’s gonna be the one that has broken bones and stitches all the time. He’s a climber and a dare-devil. He’s a lover to the n-th degree. He gives hugs and kisses freely. Sadly, he is my last. After such a rough pregnancy I knew that I couldn’t do it again so I had the tubes cut while they were taking him out.
Baby is no longer baby…She is now Moo-Moo. (Reference the heifer comment in the linked post) Anyway, she turned 5 last month but is going on 17. She loves pink and purple, having her nails painted and dresses. I have a girl. You don’t understand… she is a girl. I don’t know what the hell I am doing with a girl. I wasn’t much of one growing up. Holy hell is she a girl. She scares me. She went through pre-k this past school year and is heading to Kindergarten this fall. She was the belle of the ball. Every kid knows her and everyone wanted to be her friend. No really. There were arguments about who was going to sit next to her or stand next to her. It went straight to her head. She’s a smart cookie with a huge attitude. I’m gonna end up beating it out of her.
Bubba is 7 now. He’s had a rough few years. He is in the process of being diagnosed with Aspergers. He had a sorta rough time in pre-k and kindergarten was a nightmare but this last year was fantastic. He was placed in a 6-1-1 class, 6 kids, 1 on 1 aid and 1 teacher. They started integrating him with the gen ed class and he did great. For 2nd grade he will be in a 12-1-1 class with lots of gen ed time. He’s my big man and I really don’t like it. He’s lost 4 teeth already…most recently he lost his top 2 within days of each other. He is now talking with a lisp and we like to make him say s words. He will have his 2 front teeth by Christmas though. He loves to read and is great at math. I look at him with awe everyday because I just don’t know how I came to deserve such a wonderful kid.
The first year of the last 3 was a dream come true. I didn’t think anything could get better in my life with my husband. The second, well, we have has some issues. After Midget was born it was rocky. The last year has been pretty super. We have dealt with him changing jobs, taking a pay cut, almost quitting, taking another pay cut, smoothing things out at work, deciding to further his career, having a new baby in the mists, and my depression… We celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary last year and our 10th together last spring. I’m pretty sure we are both too stubborn to call it quits before the other one. But in all seriousness, I’m still in love with him. :)
As for me…well…I don’t know what to say. I finally found a doctor who cares and have been on anti-depressants for awhile now. Though there was a period of time when I should have been on them but couldn’t afford them. I’ve been back on them for 4 months now and am doing well. Hopefully the journey you and I take through this blog will let you get to know me….hell, hopefully it will let me get to know myself.
So, that’s that. I’m not going to be too concerned about when or how you will read this…I’m just gonna do what I want and take it one day at a time.
Once upon a time a fiesty fat chick started a blog and got lost on her journey. Someone found it and told me I was trying to be emo. Well….not anymore. So bite me. LOL
I usually groan when I hear that I have been tagged but this time is different. My favorite Gun Chick of all time! tagged me. I have been feeling the blogging bug lately but just haven’t sat down to do anything about it yet so this is a great way to start.
Roxy, I love you!
My PC died with allll 5 gig of music I had so this is what was on my mp3 player and my hubby’s. I couldn’t find mine for this so I just used my media player.
This is a really fun one. You need your iPod, for this. It’s a list of questions that you answer with the title of a random song. So…I put my iPod on shuffle and here are the questions with the song title answers…it’s hilarious!
(some of these were hysterical!)
1. How would you describe your personality?
Porno Star (Buck Cherry) ~ Hmmm….what does that say about me?
2. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Girl all the bad boys want (Bowling for soup) ~ Does that mean I want bad boys or the girl?
3. How do you feel, today?
Black Velvet (Alannah Myles)
4. What’s your life’s purpose?
My Way (Usher) ~ Darn skippy…what’s the purpose of life if you don’t do everything your way?
5. What is your motto?
Cure for the Itch (Linkin Park
6. What do your friends think of you?
Stay (Lisa Loeb)
7. What do you think of your parents?
Come on feel the noise (Quiet Riot) ~ Well, there was lots of yelling
8. What do you think about very often?
Cold as Ice (Foreigner)
9. What do you think of your best friend?
Atomic Dog (George Clinton)
10. What do you think of the person you like?
Dreams (Van Halen)
11. What is your life story?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I just came back from a war (Darryl Worley)
13. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Black Magic Woman (Santana)
14. What do your parents think of you?
Til I hear from you Gin Blossoms)
15. What will be played at your funeral?
Shadows of the night (Pat Benetar)
16.What is your hobby/interest?
What’s your name? (Lynard Skynard)
17. What is your biggest secret?
She’s every woman (Garth Brooks)
18. What do you think of your friends?
What it’s like (everlast)
19. What should you post this as?
Angel of the Morning (Juice Newton)
I will not be tagging anyone because I the few persons here that I know have already been tagged.
I am holding a passion party in honor of my lonely Leutinent Girlfriend Mary. Her cry baby tit bag boyfriend dumped her as soon as she left for training. She’s all alone and her nights are cold so I need to help her warm up. lol
I know money is tight for everyone however, if you can find it in your heart to order some little something, I will put you in a drawing for a free something!
($20 value) This will come out of my pocket for your enjoyment!!! There isn’t a minimum for qualifying for the drawing.
If you can do it and want to the site is www.cynfulpassion.com All you have to do is put Jeanie Firlit’s party in the comment box of the purchase page.
I love you guys!!!
It’s been one of those days. You know the kind that make you understand why some animals eat their young. The kind that makes you want to scream, cry, throw things and hide all at once. I won’t bore you with the details. So let’s just say my hit list is quite long, my tolerence is shot and I want a drink.
Days like this have been hitting in abundance lately and I don’t like it. Not one bit. I don’t blame the kids, I shoulder the blame one hundred percent. I have battled depression in the past and I am feeling it now. I really don’t know what brought it on unless it’s just the last few years settling on me now. I shouldn’t feel this way, things are looking really great around here now, well, that’s what I want everyone to believe anyway. Between the kids, the husband, the money, the self image, the not working and the self loathing I hide pretty well. I feel like I am starting to lose that hiding ability and this time I am worried. I want to blame someone or something but I can circle it all back to me. I want to see to my doctor about it but as usual there isn’t any extra money for the $20 copay or the price of a prescription. Finding a professional to talk to is completely out of the question and I really don’t want to pour it all out to a friend. I’ve done that once or twice and lost or strained friendships over it.
I want to write about it in a flowing, enthralling way that glosses over everything but right now I am not even capable of coherant thought. In the last few months I have lost my ability write, to blog, to think and….well, even now, on my blog, the one only a few people know about, I am hesitant to put it all out there. I don’t know what you are going through but I am sure that whatever I am dealing with isn’t as bad as someone else. I long for someone and somewhere to pour it all out [to].
*Sigh* I don’t know where I am going with this. I have had the urge to sit and put it all out there but now as I consider it I think who cares what I am thinking or feeling.
Sounds like a pity party, doesn’t it? That’s not my intention so I think I will end this now and move on.
How is it that two products of the same family who were dealt the same cards deal with life so differently?
One moves on with life while the other spirals down and out of control.
One grows up and learns to overcome the hand that was dealt while the other hides.
One decides to get help while the other wallows.
One learns happiness while the other seeks and never realizes when it’s right there infront of them.
One grows as a person while the other stays stunted.
One loves while the other hates.
One lives life while the other runs.
One thrives while the other wilts.
One tries to help while the other refuses.
One hurts for the other and tries to reach out while the other feels alone.
I am the first one. I moved on. I grew up and learned to overcome. I decided to get help. I learned happiness. I grow as a person. I love. I live. I thrive. I try to help. I hurt and reach out.
I am rejected. I cry. I worry. I wish there was something I could do. I am angry.
I wish I could redeal the hand we were both given but I cannot. I must play my hand and make the best of it.
She is the other. She will not move on, she spirals out of control. She will not grow or overcome, she hides. She will not get help, she wallows. She cannot see happiness when it is right there. She stays stuned as a person. She will not love, she hates. She will not live, she runs. She will not thrive, she slowly dies. She will not accept help, she refuses. She feels alone, she cannot see that someone is trying to help.
I can only do so much for her. She loses everything she has in her live. She is giving everything up. I hurt for her.
I am losing her. She has lost herself.