Angel of the Morning ~ a musical meme

I usually groan when I hear that I have been tagged but this time is different. My favorite Gun Chick of all time! tagged me. I have been feeling the blogging bug lately but just haven’t sat down to do anything about it yet so this is a great way to start.

Roxy, I love you!

My PC died with allll 5 gig of music I had so this is what was on my mp3 player and my hubby’s. I couldn’t find mine for this so I just used my media player.

This is a really fun one. You need your iPod, for this. It’s a list of questions that you answer with the title of a random song. So…I put my iPod on shuffle and here are the questions with the song title answers…it’s hilarious!

(some of these were hysterical!)

1. How would you describe your personality?
Porno Star (Buck Cherry) ~ Hmmm….what does that say about me?

2. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Girl all the bad boys want (Bowling for soup) ~ Does that mean I want bad boys or the girl?

3. How do you feel, today?
Black Velvet (Alannah Myles)

4. What’s your life’s purpose?
My Way (Usher) ~ Darn skippy…what’s the purpose of life if you don’t do everything your way?

5. What is your motto?
Cure for the Itch (Linkin Park

6. What do your friends think of you?
Stay (Lisa Loeb)

7. What do you think of your parents?
Come on feel the noise (Quiet Riot) ~ Well, there was lots of yelling

8. What do you think about very often?
Cold as Ice (Foreigner)

9. What do you think of your best friend?
Atomic Dog (George Clinton)

10. What do you think of the person you like?
Dreams (Van Halen)

11. What is your life story?
Lies (Evanescence)

12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I just came back from a war (Darryl Worley)

13. What do you think when you see the person you like?
Black Magic Woman (Santana)

14. What do your parents think of you?
Til I hear from you Gin Blossoms)

15. What will be played at your funeral?
Shadows of the night (Pat Benetar)

16.What is your hobby/interest?
What’s your name? (Lynard Skynard)

17. What is your biggest secret?
She’s every woman (Garth Brooks)

18. What do you think of your friends?
What it’s like (everlast)

19. What should you post this as?
Angel of the Morning (Juice Newton)

I will not be tagging anyone because I the few persons here that I know have already been tagged.

Pedaling sex toys for a good cause

I am holding a passion party in honor of my lonely Leutinent Girlfriend Mary.  Her cry baby tit bag boyfriend dumped her as soon as she left for training.  She’s all alone and her nights are cold so I need to help her warm up.  lol

I know money is tight for everyone however, if you can find it in your heart to order some little something, I will put you in a drawing for a free something! 
($20 value)  This will come out of my pocket for your enjoyment!!!  There isn’t a minimum for qualifying for the drawing.

If you can do it and want to the site is www.cynfulpassion.com  All you have to do is put Jeanie Firlit’s party in the comment box of the purchase page.

I love you guys!!!

A free coffee pick me up

Folgers Gourmet Selections. Get A Free Sample

The kids aren’t in bed yet but I want a stiff drink

It’s been one of those days.  You know the kind that make you understand why some animals eat their young.  The kind that makes you want to scream, cry, throw things and hide all at once.  I won’t bore you with the details.  So let’s just say my hit list is quite long, my tolerence is shot and I want a drink.

 Days like this have been hitting in abundance lately and I don’t like it.  Not one bit.  I don’t blame the kids, I shoulder the blame one hundred percent.  I have battled depression in the past and I am feeling it now.  I really don’t know what brought it on unless it’s just the last few years settling on me now.  I shouldn’t feel this way, things are looking really great around here now, well, that’s what I want everyone to believe anyway.  Between the kids, the husband, the money, the self image, the not working and the self loathing I hide pretty well.  I feel like I am starting to lose that hiding ability and this time I am worried.  I want to blame someone or something but I can circle it all back to me.  I want to see to my doctor about it but as usual there isn’t any extra money for the $20 copay or the price of a prescription.  Finding a professional to talk to is completely out of the question and I really don’t want to pour it all out to a friend.  I’ve done that once or twice and lost or strained friendships over it. 

I want to write about it in a flowing, enthralling way that glosses over everything but right now I am not even capable of coherant thought.  In the last few months I have lost my ability write, to blog, to think and….well, even now, on my blog, the one only a few people know about, I am hesitant to put it all out there.  I don’t know what you are going through but I am sure that whatever I am dealing with isn’t as bad as someone else.  I long for someone and somewhere to pour it all out [to].   

*Sigh*  I don’t know where I am going with this.  I have had the urge to sit and put it all out there but now as I consider it I think who cares what I am thinking or feeling. 

Sounds like a pity party, doesn’t it?  That’s not my intention so I think I will end this now and move on.

Two cards of the same deck…

How is it that two products of the same family who were dealt the same cards deal with life so differently?

One moves on with life while the other spirals down and out of control.

One grows up and learns to overcome the hand that was dealt while the other hides.

One decides to get help while the other wallows.

One learns happiness while the other seeks and never realizes when it’s right there infront of them.

One grows as a person while the other stays stunted.

One loves while the other hates.

One lives life while the other runs.

One thrives while the other wilts.

One tries to help while the other refuses.

One hurts for the other and tries to reach out while the other feels alone.

I am the first one.  I moved on.  I grew up and learned to overcome.  I decided to get help.  I learned happiness.  I grow as a person.  I love.  I live.  I thrive.  I try to help.  I hurt and reach out.

I am rejected.  I cry.  I worry.  I wish there was something I could do.  I am angry.

I wish I could redeal the hand we were both given but I cannot.  I must play my hand and make the best of it.

She is the other.  She will not move on, she spirals out of control.  She will not grow or overcome, she hides.  She will not get help, she wallows.  She cannot see happiness when it is right there.  She  stays stuned as a person.  She will not love, she hates.  She will not live, she runs.  She will not thrive, she slowly dies.  She will not accept help, she refuses.  She feels alone, she cannot see that someone is trying to help.

I can only do so much for her.  She loses everything she has in her live.  She is giving everything up.  I hurt for her.

I am losing her.  She has lost herself.

Randomness part 1

Well, this will be my first official post and I have no idea what to write.  I guess I could start out by filling in the blanks of who I am.  Yeah, that sounds like a good place to start but first I must go for a moment and knock my heathens’ heads together.  I will tell you more about them in a bit.

Allright, I made it back and no I didn’t really knock their heads together.  I just turned on the lights in their basement playroom and banished them down there.  A much quiter outcome than the knocking.  :)

Anyway, my name is Jeanie and I am pleased to meet you.  Thank you for reading my blog.  :)  I’m a 26 year old, red headed fiesty fat chick.  I prefer volumptious to fat but it didn’t work in my title.  I am a very fiesty married mom of 2, 3 if you count the husband and 5 if you count my washer and dryer, who are considered family members and have names.  We live somewhere in Upstate New York, no, not New York City and no I haven’t been there yet.  I am still considered new to the state, I have lived here for about 5 1/2 years.  I’m a transplant from the southwest.  Well, that’s where I was living when I decided to move here.  I met my husband online in early spring of 2000, yeah, I know online.  It really can work sometimes.  But anywhoo, I was going to school in Oklahoma when I met him but moved 2 more times in that year before I headed here.  I left Littlefield, Texas on a greyhound at 7:30 pm on January 3, 2001 and arrived at the local bus station at 2:30 pm on January 7 where I still didn’t meet my future husband.  He was running errands for our apartment so I hung out with my cab driver for about an hour until I could get ahold of Mike.  The wonderful cab driver was paid his fare and was given a $30 tip for being such a nice guy.  :) 

So anyway, fast forward to late summer ‘02 when the cat made me pregnant.  What’s that?  Yeah, I get the same reaction every time I tell it that way.  It’s really not that great of a story so I’ll sum it up for you.  Male cat went crazy and started hating me and after 2 weeks of being scratched, hissed at, bit, and ambushed I had enough and went to pop him on the head and caught his tooth between my pinky and ring finger.  Charlie made mince meat out of my hand.  Anyway I go to the dr. to have my hand fixed and we start talking about another problem I was having.  Dr. runs a pregnancy test even though I was on birth control and the results are postive!  I left the office in a daze, went to tell Mike while he was at work, knocked his socks off, went home, curled up in a ball, cried and slept.  There was no decision to be made about keeping or not, I knew I was going to have that baby with or without him.  He came home, we talked and decided that it was time to go to a jp and get married.  We were planning on doing it anyway, just on a different time frame.  We went to talk to his parents.  They took it better than I expected them to, they were so okay with it they decided to pay for us to have a real wedding.  That was early September 2002. 

November 30, 2002 we were married in a catholic ceremony, without high mass because I am not catholic.  We were surrounded by his entire family and our friends.  Only one member of my family was able to be there and it was a huge mistake.  Said person didn’t even attend the wedding when all was said and done.  I’m not bitter that those I love and am close to couldn’t come, I know there was short notice and money is tight with them all.  I am bitter with the person that I should be closest to and their decision to send who they did.  :(  Anyway, we crammed years of planning into almost 3 months and pulled off the wedding for about $7,000.  All in all there were about 60 friends and family there to celebrate with us.  It was an amazing day and I felt like a princess.   We spent our honeymoon in a hotel room about 10 minutes from our apartment.  We spent 2 days just doing nothing and enjoying every moment of it.  We had plans to go to Niagra Falls but a massive snow storm hit during our reception and we couldn’t drive in it.  Oh well, it was great anyway.

Okay,  lets fast forward agian.  Now it’s March 2003.  I am 7 1/2 months pregnant, in the process of moving out of our 1 bedroom apartment into something alittle smaller but with 2 bedrooms and I get fired from my job.  I think they didn’t want to pay for my maternity leave or my disability, can’t prove it but I can think it.  Anyway, we moved while I was hugely pregnant and my hubby made it through alive, barely.  Bubba was born May 28, 2003.  I was in labor for 42 hours but never dialated past 2 so we ended up having to do an emergency c-section.  He came out mostly healthy and 8lbs 12 oz and 21 1/2 in. long.  Bubba had to stay in the hospital for 7 days to recieve antibiotics because of phenumonia.  I was a wreak but he turned out just fine.  He does have a kidney issue called urinary reflux but we knew about it before he was born and have been actively treating it since.  Bubba is an amazingly smart little boy.  He has been tested numerous times and his little brain works at a level 2 years older than him but his brain and his mouth couldn’t connect for the longest time.  Bubba didn’t start talking until he started speech therapy before his 3rd birthday.  Now that the mouth and the brain have caught up he is a holy terror. 

Fast forward through the financial problems, marital issues, stress and live to come to August 2004.  Bubba is 16 months old and we decided to go off the depo birth control because it’s supposed to take about 18 months to clear out of the system and I want another baby but I don’t want them too far apart and we are scheduled to be in a place that is better financially.  Late September I am back at the o.b.’s office where I tell them I am pregnant.  They don’t believe me because I was on the shot for so long and was off of it for such a short time.  They do a blood test and it’s postive.

FF agian this time through a rough pregnancy and my teen sister living with us for 9 months to June 3, 2005.  Baby entered our life weighing in at 9 lbs 9 oz and 22 in. long.  She is my heifer baby.  :)  She was born healthy but has the same kidney issue that Bubba has.  Baby is my mini me.  She is a spit fire who knows all and is adamit about what she wants.  She seems to think that anything Bubba can do she should to.  I am in for a wild ride with her.  She’s only 2 and has a very extensive vocabulary and a large collection of bruises.  We are still learning her personality but I can tell you already that I am petrified of her teen years.  :) 

Between Baby’s birth and now we have been through alot.  Loss of a vehicle, my leaving to visit my family for 2 months, living with my inlaws for 9 months, Mike’s job change and lots of stress and tension.  I was close to leaving Mike during that time but I remembered that I loved him and we could work through it.  I’m glad we did.  The last year has brought us closer together.  We still have up and downs as all married couples do but we are both happier than ever. 

Opps, I forgot to talk about the husband.  Mike is 9 year old 27 year old.  He loves useless facts, movies, music, D&D, being silly, and me.  :)  He’s a pretty super daddy.  He does have his faults but I think if I yell at him enough he will change, okay not really but it sounds good.  :)  He’s finally, after a very long hard road, a lisenced optician in a great job.  It took forever but he is finally becoming an adult.  He’s my big teddy bear and I would be lost without him.

Anyway, as of right now we live in an apartment/townhouse/halfhouse thing.  :)  I love our place.  We are in a quaint neighborhood and there is an awesome school district.  We are discussing haveing baby 3.  I want another, he wants another but is posturing so he looks macho. 

Anyway, I think that’s enough for now.  I can’t wait to get to know you and I will talk at you later.  If you actually read this whole post then you deserve a cookie!

Here have one of my favorites!

Smurf Cookie

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